* Bernie Madoff has asked to end his prison sentence early because he is allegedly dying of kidney disease. [Reuters]
* Law firms are cashing in on representing the estate of Jeffrey Epstein. [New York Post]
* Oh Snap! The top lawyer at Snap, Inc. earned around $9 million in 2019. [Bloomberg Law]
* A Long Island man who was exonerated in the murder of his parents was just sworn in as a lawyer. [New York Post]
* The Supreme Court may decide to hear a case about the legality of the Affordable Care Act this month. [Hill]
* Since ATL hasn't had a Lawyerly Lairs segment in a while, just wanted to point out that an attorney involved with the Madoff case just put his NYC apartment back on the market. [New York Post]
* An MSU sorority has settled a lawsuit involving the banishment of a therapy rabbit from a sorority house. Hopefully the rabbit doesn't have to be hazed. [Detroit Free Press]
* A disbarred attorney has been charged with leaving threatening voicemails for a judge. Way to add insult to injury. [The Monitor]
* Google and other companies are implementing changes to adapt to a new California law involving data privacy. [Reuters]
* It looks like Elon Musk will face a trial next month over his "pedo guy" tweets after a judge denied his motion to dismiss the case. The good news is, in a few decades, Musk will be able to write the defamation laws on Mars. [NBC]
* A Mississippi district attorney has been accused of turning away black jurors over a 25-year period. [CNN]
* A Utah woman could be forced to register as a sex offender for being topless in her own home even though her topless husband was not charged. Can't wait for the Supreme Court to weigh in on this. [Newsweek]
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* Bernie Madoff's investment strategy may yield a billion dollar return... for the trustee. [American Lawyer]
* Lanny Davis is now representing Michael Cohen, which certainly doesn't bode well for Trump. [Bloomberg]
* The fiance of Princess Mako of Japan is going to Fordham next year. [Japan Times]
* Federal judge rules that sanctuary city policies aren't obstacles to immigration policy because standing aside is not the same as standing in the way. [NY Times]
* A disturbing look at the border crisis through the eyes of an immigration lawyer. [Mother Jones]
* Job opportunity: the Senate is looking for special counsel to grease the wheels on the effort to roll back decades of jurisprudence. [National Law Journal]
* Akin Gump is representing a woman separated from her children by the Trump administration. The representation comes as part of a public-private venture backed by the state of New York. The story is the latest testament to Governor Andrew Cuomo's deeply held moral conviction that people shouldn't vote for Cynthia Nixon. [Journal News]
* The head of Arizona Summit Law School thinks the school's been treated unfairly. The nerve of these people. [KJZZ]
It is one thing to tell a jury that the people on trial contributed to a multi-billion dollar, multi-decade Ponzi scheme that destroyed a whole bunch of lives, but to reference The Godfather starring Marlon Brando? HOW DARE YOU.
Ed. note: In honor of Presidents' Day, Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday. We hope everyone is able to enjoy a nice, long weekend! See you online on Tuesday.
* What kind of constitution would the Rebels have written after overthrowing the Emperor? Let's take this all the way: what pseudonym would Jar Jar use in writing the Galactic Federalist Papers? [Business of Law Blog]
* Did the recent "Madoff" miniseries really have to fixate so much on his Judaism? Sure, it was part of his identity, but didn't it kind of cross over into Shylock territory? [St. Louis Jewish Light]
* The prosecution is starting to lay out the details in the case against Sunderland soccer player Adam Johnson for his relationship with a 15-year-old fan. [Screamer]
* Reflecting on Chief Judge Judith Kaye's legacy of trial court reform. [Cityland]
* Judge Sylvania Woods would be rolling over in his grave if he knew about the child porn scandal going on at his namesake school. [Katz Justice]
* Weil Gotshal Chairman Barry Wolf better get used to being on the other side of the table -- he's subpoenaed to testify in a lawsuit over a condo dispute. [Dan Abrams]
* "An Administrative Law Fairy Tale." [Library of Law and Liberty]
* This is what happens when an NYC lawyer hangs out with the Marines and Navy for four days. [U.S. Naval Institute]
* You think you're a ruthless lawyer? You aren't ruthless unless you're Sun Tzu ruthless. [Law and Disorder]
* Here's an optimistic take on the future of Biglaw. [CodeX]
* David Schwimmer playing the late attorney and father of a reality TV dynasty Robert Kardashian not doing it for you? Don't worry, Yeezy's got your back... literally. [People]
* Style tips to take you from court to the Met Gala (okay, you will probably never go to the Met Gala, but still) from Amal Clooney. [Popsugar]
* Welp, this is one way to get your legal expenses paid for: A gay porn site is willing to cover former Congressman Aaron Schock's legal bills if only he'll appear in a few films. [Wonkette]
* This is the Donald Trump we have all come to expect: he's accusing Ted Cruz (over Twitter, natch) of "stealing" the Iowa Caucus. [The Slot]
* A great idea to link Black History Month with the current presidential election. [Chicago Sun-Times]
* The history of how vagrancy laws gave the police nearly unlimited power. [Time]
* Sure, Bernie Madoff is a crook, but in prison he is a rockstar -- and his stock is only going up. [Law and More]
* Giving the quiet Justice Souter his due. [Anton Piatigorsky Blog]
* Taking a shot at the NRA, because as angry as most Americans are, we agree about one thing. [Funny or Die]
* The case for rotating Chief Justices. Because the Supreme Court should operate more like your PTA. [PrawfsBlawg]
* Finally a solution to police misconduct that might actually work. But it doesn't result in a boondoggle to camera manufacturing defense contractors, so there's no way this will end up happening. [Redline]
* Last month we put out an APB for Bobby Chen, Supreme Court litigant. Well, no luck. The Supreme Court dropped his case. [Lowering the Bar]
* Boies Schiller announces the hiring of Matthew Schwartz and John Zach to launch a new Global Investigations and White Collar Defense practice area. Read up on their exploits at the U.S. Attorney's Office with this detailed account of the prosecution of the Madoff Five. [Forbes]
* Mark Hermann explained the importance of trust in his article today. Here are 5 tips for building that reputation. [Law and More]
* Who regulated qualified health claims? It might just be "no one." [Inside Counsel]
* The contestants on @Midnight last week tackled the curious case of Michael A. Fiumara and his sex doll interview advertisement. They start dealing with Fiumara at the 23:44. [Comedy Central]
* I include this line not to highlight the horribleness of zoos, but because I’m doing NS today and this contains a fun anecdote about walrus masturbation. [Cracked]
* Meanwhile, on Redline, I’m like, doing stuff. [ATL: Redline]
* “I really want to go to law school to study international law and be a part of solving problems like what’s going on in Crimea right now.” — Dumb idiot who will wish he read Above the Law before he went to law school. [Radio Free Europe]
* Student gets punished for sending a tweet from home. Should it really matter where you are sitting when you hit the button on the tweet calling your principal a “pussy ass bitch”? [It-Lex]
* I think the jurors on the Bernie Madoff co-conspirator case might be running a Ponzi scheme. [Dealbreaker]
* Everyone is overwhelmed, apparently. [Going Concern]
* Scalia apparently comes up with his s**t while dozing off to sleep. So, literally now, Scalia’s dreams are the stuff of my nightmares. [Military.com]
* Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker pleaded not guilty in the beating death of a New Jersey lawyer. [New Jersey Star-Ledger]
* Judge Edmond E. Chang tossed Chicago’s gun sale ban as unconstitutional. [Fox News]
* Refusing to take a hint, Paul Clement is suing over the Affordable Care Act again. [The Blog of the Legal Times]
* Nixon Peabody is trying to stand out from the Biglaw crowd. Maybe it’s time for another theme song. [Washington Post]
* J.P. Morgan is close to a deal in the Madoff affair. Rumors place it at $2 billion or basically a week’s worth of revenue. [DealBook / New York Times]
* After getting busted for cocaine possession, GOP Rep. Trey Radel has hired Rob Walker of Wiley Rein to advise him on the looming House investigation. Only in Washington would you have an investigation into something after the guy already pleaded guilty. [Politico]
* Are you ready for your retirement? The answer is probably, no. [ABA Journal]
* Is Scandal the best TV lawyer show? No, that’s Matlock. But here’s a bunch of arguments for Scandal’s worthiness. [Life of the Law]
* Lawyers face financial and emotional depression, says most obvious study ever. [TaxProf Blog]
* Paralyzed man achieves dream of being a lawyer. Great, so now he’s added crippling debt to his struggles. Seriously though, this is an actual feel good legal story. [MyFoxDC]
* “ALWAYS assume every Wall Street guy is snorting coke and screwing hookers. That’s Journalism 101.” [Gawker]
* The lawyer for the accused Harvard bomb threat guy says his client was under pressure. I mean, it’s scary to think about botching the final and maybe getting an A- or something. [Associated Press via Boston.com]
* Renisha McBride’s killer — who shot her in the face because she was asking for help and its his God-given right to shoot first and ask questions later — will stand trial. [Jezebel]
* Teaching lawyers to be more entrepreneurial. [Huffington Post]
* Musical chairs (White House hottie edition): Michael Gottlieb, former associate counsel to President Barack Obama, is joining the Washington, D.C. office of Boies Schiller. [Blog of Legal Times]
* The search is on for jurors to serve in the criminal trial for Bernie Madoff’s former employees, but in a case of guilt by association, it’s proving to be a difficult exercise. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]
* “Democracy is not on autopilot,” said Justice Kennedy at Penn Law. Just because we have a Constitution doesn’t mean it will prevail — which is being evidenced by our government now. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
* Because no one could be more “non-essential” than a law student during this mess, the government shutdown is taking a toll on their externship placements throughout the district. [National Law Journal]
* The Princeton Review’s annual law school rankings are out, and boy, have things changed — including the schools with the best career prospects. We’ll have more on this news later today. [Chicago Tribune]
* Cooley Law is teaming up with Eastern Michigan University to offer joint degrees. But we thought Cooley was teaming up with Western Michigan University. Is Cooley infiltrating all Michigan schools? [MLive.com]
* Big data is coming for the law. I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords. [Associate's Mind]
* Judge tells a Sikh man to “remove that rag” or go to jail. Guess which state! [ACLU]
* The feds are at it again, posting a job opening for an uncompensated “Special Assistant U.S. Attorney.” Finally a government job that contract employers can point to and say, “See, $10/hour isn’t so bad…” [A Connecticut Law Blog]
* Law firms are getting out-hustled by a number of other service providers. [ABA Journal]
* Lawyers are terrible leaders. And if you don’t understand business, you can’t really be a good advocate. This also explains why firms are getting out-hustled per the prior item. [Fashion Law Blog]
* The Supreme Court Historical Society & The Historical Society of the New York Courts Present are hosting a CLE event called “Learned in the Law: Role of the U.S. Solicitor General…a New York Point of View” on October 25. Tickets are $30. [Historical Society of the New York Courts]
* Paul Konigsberg, Bernie Madoff’s tax lawyer, has been arrested. Hopefully he won’t get screwed. [Crain's New York Business]
* Is the series finale of Breaking Bad a trade secret? A better question is whether the recipe for Blue Sky is a trade secret. Video after the jump….
* Sri Srinivasan was sworn in as a member of the D.C. Circuit by Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who called him “fair, faultless and fabulous.” The man must have great shoes. [Washington Post]
* Things aren’t going very well for Steven Donziger in the Chevron / Ecuador case now, but then again, they never are. The Second Circuit denied his bid to oust the judge on the case. [Bloomberg]
* Dewey know how much this failed firm’s ex-landlord wants from 450 of its former partners? Somewhere in the ballpark of $1.6 million to $45.45 million, so it could be painful. [Am Law Daily]
* Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton has already named a new chairman. Congrats to J. Henry Walker IV, a man whose name alone makes it sound like he should probably leading something. [Daily Report]
* Time is running out for prosecutors to bring charges against those connected to Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, but it looks like his niece, a Fordham Law grad, is in their sights. [DealBook / New York Times]
* The series finale of Breaking Bad airs on Sunday, and you must be very sad, so here are five compliance lessons to take away from the show. First and foremost, don’t ever hire a Pinkman. [Corporate Counsel]
* E.A. Sports and the Collegiate Licensing Company settled the suit filed against them by college athletes, leaving the NCAA to whine, moan, and “take this all the way to the Supreme Court.” [Birmingham News]
* George Zimmerman’s wife says her husband “went on a victory tour” without her, and has no idea where he is. Clue: maybe he was advising Cybill Shepherd for her role on Law & Order next week. [Miami Herald]
